Saying Good-Bye to "Papa," The Last Step of the Succession
Zone
 By
Henry D. Landes
August 2000
One of our key business family concepts revolves around understanding
and managing the three overlapping circles inherent in families
who are in business together (see graphic below). And there’s
a reason why we put the family in red and on top. It’s because
we’re talking about blood, about those we love and the fact
that family must ultimately remain our top priority. So, when we
come face-to-face with the reality and finality of death within
the family, that red circle really heats up.
My wife Jane and I faced death at close range in recent months.
Jane’s two cousins—Martha Postma (and husband Pieter)
who live in the Netherlands and her sister Mary Carroll from Michigan–lived
in our home for six weeks. Their "Papa", Jacob Gotwals,
a 91-year-old native of Souderton, was dying. "Papa" was
slowly, ever so slowly losing weight. The doctor recognized the
signs of a man who had lost the will to live. After all, Jake had
had a full and rewarding life. His wife died last year, and his
kids were far away living their lives. Plus, it’s hard, lonely
work to be 91 and in failing healthy no matter how fine and personal
the care at Souderton Mennonite Homes.
We got to watch our "Center’s Vision (which appears
on our brochure cover) in action–"Our family is a circle
of love..." Martha and Mary were fortunate. They had the wonderfully
rich opportunity, the luxury to spend six weeks saying goodbye.
They knew they were saying goodbye and so did Jake. The children
patiently stood by their father–sang to him in the evenings
and showered him with tender loving care.
Few of us get the same chance as did Mary and Martha. The message
here is clear. Be prepared. If we prepare for nothing else, preparing
for our inescapable death is a duty and a responsibility, our final
gift to our children. I’m reminded of the epitaph on the grave
of Albrecht Durer, the famous artist of the Protestant Reformation.
On his tombstone in the cemetery in the historic German city of
Nuremberg are the words: "Learn to Die." After we have
the faith and spiritual lessons learned, we need a plan for those
aspects of our life and our death that will touch other lives, lives
most dear to us.
Because the Delaware Valley Family Business Center believes that
helping families take this last step in the succession process is
a critical component of our work, we have developed some valuable
tools to assist families as they help their senior members "learn
to die." Losing a loved one is pain and grief enough. There’s
no reason why the pain needs to be magnified with layers of legal,
financial, and business issues. We believe these complex issues
can be clarified through our Estate Planning Fire Drill.
This "Drill," a free member benefit, is the FIRST important
step in anticipating the tough business and family questions that
permeate a solid, formal succession plan. How much will my family
pay in estate taxes? What assets will be used to pay these taxes?
How will my estate be divided? Is the plan fair to all heirs? How
will my spouse be provided for?
We also strongly believe your family should discuss and complete
a Health Care Advance Directive, which specifies what actions or
kinds of care you wish to receive at the end of life. "Papa"
had completed a directive with the help of Martha and Mary.
When it comes to "learning to die," we are committed to
making sure that all the business families with whom we work earn
an "A" in the course. If you believe that you have some
"homework" to complete, please call me to start this vital
process that culminates in the peace of mind that "Papa"
and his children experienced.
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