Roots and Wings— The Two Lasting Bequests Parents Give
Their Children
 By
Henry D. Landes
August 2001
As families move through The Succession Zone, significant and
sometimes difficult questions must be addressed on both sides of
the generational fence. Perhaps the most basic is: Should this business
stay in the family?
While reflecting on this question, families might find it useful
to bear in mind the maxim that says, "There are only two lasting
bequests parents give their children: roots and wings." Laying
aside the business end of the relationship, parents and children
would do well to consider how God-given potential is best realized
in this world.
Successful business families draw deeply on their roots—family
values, strong relationships, shared dreams, common vision. But
children in business families may or may not take "wing"
through the family business. Some need to fly on their own …
permanently or at least for a while. How children in the business
family reach the "want to" of making a major commitment
to the family business is a vitally important process.
I’m reminded of Michael Corleone in "The Godfather,
Part I." In the opening wedding scene, Michael (played by Al
Pacino) is just back from college and has no interest in joining
"the family business," a phrase most of us would use in
an entirely different way! But after his father is gunned down,
Michael returns to his family "with a vengeance" and with
total commitment to the Corleone family values.
The story of the prodigal son in the Bible is another example
of someone who left the family business for a time, then returned.
The older brother, meanwhile, had to deal with his resentment over
the "grace" accorded his wayward younger brother. In the
featured story in this newsletter, Hank O’Donnell previews
his September Forum presentation—especially from the perspective
of the oldest son.
As with most analogies, the preceding two break down partway home.
But they make the point that becoming part of the family business
is not necessarily a straight line. Take also President George W.
Bush. He turned his back on politics—and what was to become
his destiny—for many years before running for governor of
Texas, then president of the United States. Franklin Graham, son
of Billy, is another illustration. Like the biblical Jonah, he ran
in the opposite direction of God’s call for many years before
taking over the Graham family’s evangelistic ministry in the
1990s.
The key for parents is to keep loving our children—unconditionally.
This is not necessarily easy to do when poor (or at least perplexing)
decisions are sometimes being made by young adults. Further, it
can be hard for parents in particular to "let go" enough
to enable a son or daughter’s maturation and decision-making
process to develop with freedom and integrity, especially when there
are no guarantees that the searching young person will end up making
a commitment to the family business.
Grown children whose parents have bequeathed to them both roots
and wings will contribute significantly to their community, whether
or not they’re involved in their family’s business.
And when a child freely and fully chooses to commit to the family
business, you can believe that it’s much stronger than when
parents consciously or unconsciously "seduce" their children
into the business. Our children may need to bow out of the business,
either temporarily or for good … for their own good or for
the good of the family and business.
In short, a successful business family doesn’t mean everyone
works in the business. What success does mean is that parents give
their children guidance (roots), but they also genuinely let them
go (wings). May this life-giving metaphor be experienced richly
in your family.
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