Speaking the Truth. . . In Love
 By
Henry D. Landes
May 2009
Telling the truth is difficult under the best of circumstances.
But in challenging times like the economy we now face, speaking
the truth can be hard but necessary in any business. People have
to be told that they are losing their jobs, or much anticipated
new initiatives have to be put on hold.
In a family firm, speaking the truth in difficult times is even
harder because family members may be involved. What if your son
just isn't cut out for working in the business and would be better
off elsewhere? What if your niece just isn't contributing enough
or has made some costly mistakes, despite her obvious talent?
We’re often afraid to tell the truth in a family business
because doing so can fray the family fabric. We fear not just harming
a business relationship but also permanently damaging a family relationship.
How to handle such fears? Speak the truth, but do it in love.
Avoid being destructive—don’t confront family members
with arrogance or in anger. Show that you value them and are committed
to their success, whether it’s inside or outside of the family
business.
Having clear expectations about family employment, supported by
open discussions in family meetings and a written Family Employment
Policy helps the truth to be heard. Even though family members KNOW
they can be fired for poor performance, it still is a major shock.
We suggest psychologist Ellen Frankenberg’s article on family
employment, “When
a Pink Slip Lands Close to Home.” Another helpful tool
is our own “Code of Conduct for Our Meetings,” which
offers guidelines for communicating the truth in love. (Contact
us if you would like a copy.)
Speaking the truth in love is both an attitude and a skill. I’ve
learned a lot from one of my favorite authors, Patrick Lencioni.
I heartily recommend his book, The Five Dysfunctions of a Team.
In it, he points out that a team needs to embrace conflict and social
discomfort, which is really the same thing as speaking the truth
in love.
Speaking the truth in love is an essential management skill that
needs to be developed and practiced. If you learn to do it at home,
you can transfer that skill fairly easily to the workplace.
And don’t put off telling the truth. As one family business
owner said recently, “You either go through the pain now or
you go through the pain later. I think it’s better to go through
the pain upfront, because you WILL go through the pain.”
You’ll learn a lot about speaking the truth from the Clemens
family at our May 21 Forum, “Doing
the Right Thing, Not the Easy Thing—Entitlement, Accountability
& Leadership in Business Families.” Clemens family
members will talk about the delicate conversations they had to have
as they made hard decisions and initiated a number of significant
changes at The Clemens Family Corp. Join us and hear their story.
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